Today was my Dads anniversary

It's been 8 long years. And much of today was spent trying to keep Mom's spirits up. I barely had time to think on my Dad. I guess time I am now.

I wanted to talk to him today and ask how he felt about what's happened in the 8 years since he died. Wondered how he would feel about way we've been as a family. Wondered if he Missed us te way we miss him every single day. I know it's 8 years on and most would say you should be over it by now.

I doubt not in this lifetime will I ever get over him dying, or ever stop missing him. He was my Dad and the only one I'll ever have. Yeh he been gone 8 years, and I still to this day no matter where I live. I still expect him to walk in through thr front door in his work suit and have us kids run to greet him in way we did every night). It's stupid I know, but its thing like that
the smell and hugs or lil looksof mischief dad had when he was winding us kids up. It's things like that you miss everyday.

It's harder this month because i get mixed memories some happy but cloeser it gets to his anniversary it gets hard to block the sad memories out. Like tonight while walking I rememberd him ill. I wished I hadnt but it happens, and mom looking so blank tonight it gets to me. I may laugh smile joke about life. But really I can be dwon right sad inside and no one woul d know unless said. Momsblank looks no one there is just shell on autopilot no emotion nothing. Could almost be a ghost.. you talk and there not even flicker of a spark when seh looks at you. And thats my Mom the one i'd move heven n earth for. And that blank haunted look so close to how my dad looked.

She isnt the Mom I remember sure she has Bipolar and it will affect it. But I still want the mom who had spark and zest for life. Now it's gone no one sees it.. It's time like this when facing getting her through a situation I want my Dad there talking her through it and helping us. Maybe thenshe would be mom I remember.

Would i go back and change things change how i've coped with events. I'm not sure part says yes part says no or wouldnt be who I am today if did things differently.

So Heres to you Dad (raises a Cola) Even though not here, Your never forgotten, Love you Dad xxx


Father And Daughter

Father and daughter spend some quiet time together in the living roomShining through the curtain is the sunAnd outside is the glorious afternoonFather reads to his daughter the poetry she lovesFather and daughter enjoy each other's companyFather takes his daughter by the handAs they take a walk outsideFather cares for his daughterAnd always wishes the very best to happen for her

"Justin Gildow "